First of all, suicide is not selfish.
If you disagree with that statement then obviously you have not been suicidal.
Secondly, if you don’t want to read any nonsense I’m about to write then I suggest you take a look at this video:
If you’re about to end your life, why not wait a little longer? This video may or may not change your view but I just want to show you that there are people like us who has been through it and made it out alive and happier. There is still hope…
Well, where do I start?
I haven’t been “officially” diagnosed with depression or some sort of mental illness but that’s because I haven’t told anyone outside of this blog and loose bits of diary entries about this.
I know I am suicidal, maybe only mildly. I don’t self-harm for several reasons but it’s mostly because I don’t want to inflict more pain on myself. I think people who self harm just wants a distraction so they can “redirect” their pain but in reality, they’re just causing more pain for themselves.
I’m going to be a bit brave here and voice my opinion; I think self harming is sort of like stress. When we stress about one thing, our minds constantly revolve and veut ally becomes clouded by that one thing only. If we begin to stress about multiple things at once, it becomes to much to handle until we eventually give up. Stressing about multiple things at once doesn’t lessen the stress for the “original” thing you were stressed about. It just overloads your system and you’ll be less likely to recover. That’s how I think of self harm. Once you start, you won’t stop, you’ll hate yourself even more and stop loathing everything around you. Eventually, you’ll spiral out of control and I don’t even want to talk about what happens after that…
Anyway, so I’m probably not depressed, I’m just suicidal. I hate saying that because it sounds so pathetic. Being suicidal is pathetic. But you know what’s even more pathetic? People who put us into these situations, those who are the cause of our pain. I hate them equally.
One thing I’m good at is my optimism. I think it’s what kept me alive all these years. As cliche as it can get, hope is always the solution.
You may ask what I’m holding onto and I could easily answer that with, “nothing” but if you ask me what I’m hoping for, I’ll probably tell you, “a future”.
Another advice I can think of is to physically lock yourself away from any objects that can harm you. I tend to lock myself in the bathroom or toilet for hours crying until rolls and rolls of toilet paper have been used and just sit or lie there blankly for even longer.
I know it’s hard to find the right people to talk to about this sort of thing because they only ones who truly know how to desk with it are the ones that have gone through it themselves.
I’m really tired now, I’ll add more to this someday.