Finite Love

I have made the conclusion that love is limited. If it were unlimited, we would all be freed to love and give an infinite amount of love. I think we all want to believe that we can love infinitely but that just can’t be true. There are some things we love more than others, there are some people we will  love more than others and there will be thing and people that we will never love in our lives. We live to love but love doesn’t live on. I chose this topic today because I am afraid of love. I am afraid of finding people or things that will divide up my love for the people and things I currently love. It is possible to love equally but is it possible to love all things equally? And what amounts of love does it require to truly determine that you love someone or something. Is love when you choose to give up your life for the life of someone else? In that case I love all but myself. And yet I do not want to die, not because I’m afraid of death. I’m afraid it will hurt the people I love. But is choosing to live for the sake of other people a good reason to live? What if instead I had said, choosing to live for the sake of love because that’s what’s really happening. A choice to live is choosing not to hurt the ones who loves you and who you love back. So we arrive at a conflicting choice. And the best choice is to live. To live, to learn, to love. Live to learn, learn to love, love to live. It’s an endless cycle. But isn’t a cycle an infinite figurative? It is. But this cycle is a circle. And each piece that gets divided up is allocated from somewhere. I don’t know how much pieces I can divide up, I do know who has the larger pieces and who doesn’t. So love is inaccurately depicted by the shape of a heart. Love has been romantized for too long. Love is about divide and conquer. That’s where the saying, “Win the heart” comes from. Love is competitive and if you don’t compete, you won’t get a piece. But fighting for something that isn’t yours will not get you anywhere and that is where love is also fragile. It can be easily conquered by the right person but no matter how strong or tough or persistent you are, if you are not the right one, you will never gain a piece big enough to win the heart over. I find love to be such an abstract thing to think about. Like outer space and questioning our purpose of existence. I always thought of myself as someone who could never love but I think I just haven’t found anyone who can outcompete the people and things that are holding the pieces of my love. Or maybe no one has bothered to compete for it. I guess that puts an end to our question for world peace. Peace is achieved by equal love but life isn’t fair, and just like life, nothing will ever be divided up evenly, love inclusive. I hope I do learn to divide up my love but I am also scared. I am scared to love because it’s another reason to live. Maybe I am scared to love because I am scared to live. So first, I have to live. Then I will learn to love. 

LiveLearnLove – maybe that’s my new PastPresentFuture. 

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