Loneliness

Three years ago I asked for independence. And three years later I got it. I don’t need to give you 13 reasons why. I only need to give you one. That one reason is me. We decide our own fate. Not other people. Yes, they can be a major influence on how we decide but the ultimate decision lies with us. The person who chooses to end a life is the person responsible so the person to blame really should be ourselves. You may disagree but a suicidal person is never quite right in the head. That, I can justify for sure. And no matter what you do, it always comes back to haunt you. It’s almost like an addiction, a temptation. Maybe that’s why society files us away into categories. Categories they don’t want to face with. Because the truth is ugly and painful. The truth is mental illness is an issue. It’s a problem everyone can face given enough stress. It’s not something we’re born with or inherited. It’s something we develop from the ongoing pressures of our environment. And it goes hand in hand with everything that causes depression.

The solution is simple, ask for help. But solutions are never simple. Nobody likes to admit that there is something wrong with them. I know for a fact that I would never ask for help myself (so am I a hypocrite?). Well, yes and no.

I’m lucky because I think I have a varying degree of bi-polarism or whatever shitty labels society has decided to put on it. When I’m in darkness I have someone there to help me find a way out. But some people are not so lucky. Maybe their vision has been blinded for so long. Maybe they have been left in the dark for too long. But nobody knows and that’s when things really do get shitty.

Everyone has a dark place, those who think they don’t are just blessed to never have been put under the stress to find it but having a dark place doesn’t mean we should get treated like we’re “sick and diseased”. The human mind is the most precious and fragile thing in the world and as cliche as this sounds, the best medication for it is love and nurture. Those that have been feed love and nurture all their lives are obviously more resistant to dark thoughts. Some are so strong they can completely repel from even thinking about it. Some of us, are not so lucky.

Having suicidal thoughts isn’t a necessary bad thing for me but like I said, I’m an odd case. I’ve always been an odd case. It makes me bolder in terms of living a bit more because I think to myself, “If I’m going to end my life right now, I might as well do all the things I was too scared to do before I end it” and that usually pushes me forward because I have a million things on my to-do-list so suicide can wait, for now.

Having gone through these thoughts more than once, I know things do eventually get better. So I think that’s the message I’m trying to get across today. It’s not the perfect solution to whatever dark place you’re currently in. But if the solution is to end your life, stop and think about all the other things you can do before you end your life. Because once you do, that’s it. There is no going back.

If life wants to treat you like shit, then shit on it first, don’t be the weaker one. Stand up for yourself and fight. Because you are the ultimate decider of your own fate, your own life. And if all else fails, seek help. I mean, what else have you got to lose anyway? You only have one life and trust me, your life is worth saving.

– FuturePresentsPast

Bad habits are hard to quit

There are many things I wish I was better at. I can’t say I haven’t tried but I also can’t say I’ve tried very hard. 

As human beings, it is in our nature to resort to the things that are easy and simple. It goes against our nature to exert effort to work for something. And usually that only happens if the rewards outweigh the work efforts. No one works for free. Even volunteers are gaining the experience or the title of selflessness. 

What inspired me to make this post is the process of checking my emails. I found that the most dangerous habit I have become accustomed to is to mark emails I have opened as “unread” to deal with it at a later stage but in this day and age, our inbox are so frequently visited by mail that the old ones are drowned in masses of junk and we tend to forget what’s not there. 

So instead of leaving the decision making for the future, decide upon it now. Because when you do things in the future it is thrown into your past which is why bad habits are hard to quit because good habits are thrown in between the time zones of the future and the past and miss the opportunity to exist in the present. 

So I will leave this post with one final note, “All good things require sacrifice” because you have to sacrifice time in the present to change your way of living. 

Leave me a comment on “What you are willing to sacrifice your present time for?

Teeth

We’ve never given much thought about these tiny little bones. Not until we can sense the cavity that has weakened our enamel. Or the sharp pain upon which it comes into contact with an unforgiving taste. They’re almost as vital as the other ‘officially’ important organs to keep us alive. Yet we regard so little of them. We pay so little attention to them until they have become damaged. To the point where no reparation can ever restore their beauty and functionality.

In a way, it is a metaphor for us. We may seem insignificantly small. People may ignore us for long periods of time forgetting our existence until we cease to exit. That’s when the pain hits. That’s when the guilt begins.

Nobody is unworthy until they have become a decayed tooth. Everyone has a purpose as long as they live. Remember that, remember your teeth. Take care of yourself and take care of others. You are not useless until you’re dead.

– FuturePresentsPast

Simplicity

The power of simplicity is absolutely magical. I wished I was a living version of that. To be honest, I’m quite the judgemental type despite my many flaws. I wish I could be simple and elegant, a piece of plain art with hidden talents. Perhaps if I had any talents it may have been possible. Perhaps.

Those who prove everyone wrong are my strongest inspirations. I aspire to be something of a similar kind. Hope continues to hold onto the belief I may achieve something not easily forgotten one day. One day. Perhaps.

I believe in all sorts of beliefs and at the same time, nothing at all. It is not something I desired to do. I just do. Do. One day. Perhaps.

It all starts out simple. An apple brought the laws of physics to Sir Isaac Newton (Ok, maybe a few billion more brain cells than the average human being helped). Everything starts of simple and evolved from the basis of simplicity. Upon the occurrences of failure, step back to simplicity. The start and basics. Start. Do. One day. Perhaps.

I wasn’t sure where I was going with this, I still don’t.
Keep it simple, don’t fog up the path, what lies ahead will eventually be clear. Simple. Start. Do. One day. Perhaps.

On an unrelated note, here’s a picture of my current journal/diary:

20140504-023115.jpg

It’s also really late and my internal biological clock has spiralled out of control.
Until next time…

– FuturePresentsPast