Silence

Like the unforgivable night,

Silence.

Like the dark thoughts running in my mind,

Silence.

Like the bone chilling cold,

Silence.

Like the last breath it stole,

Silence.

Like the last chance to survive,

Silence.

Like there is no other way to life,

Silence.

Why does everything have to be this way?

Silence.

Why can I not say what I want to say?

Silence.

Why do I have to change to fit in? 

Silence.

Why do I have to fight for freedom? 

Silence.

Why won’t I have a chance at happiness? 

Silence.

Why is is so difficult to feel less worthless? 

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Bad habits are hard to quit

There are many things I wish I was better at. I can’t say I haven’t tried but I also can’t say I’ve tried very hard. 

As human beings, it is in our nature to resort to the things that are easy and simple. It goes against our nature to exert effort to work for something. And usually that only happens if the rewards outweigh the work efforts. No one works for free. Even volunteers are gaining the experience or the title of selflessness. 

What inspired me to make this post is the process of checking my emails. I found that the most dangerous habit I have become accustomed to is to mark emails I have opened as “unread” to deal with it at a later stage but in this day and age, our inbox are so frequently visited by mail that the old ones are drowned in masses of junk and we tend to forget what’s not there. 

So instead of leaving the decision making for the future, decide upon it now. Because when you do things in the future it is thrown into your past which is why bad habits are hard to quit because good habits are thrown in between the time zones of the future and the past and miss the opportunity to exist in the present. 

So I will leave this post with one final note, “All good things require sacrifice” because you have to sacrifice time in the present to change your way of living. 

Leave me a comment on “What you are willing to sacrifice your present time for?

A Chain of Events

An estranged whimper escapes my tongue,
A street of strangers stares me down,
Some politely offer help,
I reject and deny again.
I appreciate your kindness but it could not accommodate me.
I run towards the only peace I know,
The bells sing an hour has gone.
I race up to the helping hands,
Only to be chased away by ants.
Next came the statue of peace,
Where dead soldier lies with liberty.
I can only think back to the time,
Where my friend and I sat discussing life.
Now I am here all alone,
Discussing life on my own.
An old man walks by twice,
Maybe the third time he would ask me why?
It turns my weak bladder control,
Sent me sprinting for toilet rolls.
A half hour left until it close,
A half hour for somewhere to go.

When seven came,
I went back home.
Scared and frightened,
More than before.

When nine came,
I walk in the dark,
An hour long,
All sixty minutes of luck.

When midnight came,
I wrote this down.
Hoping someday possibly one day,
I will never have to count.

Losing Self Control

The things we desired the most,
Are those that should be locked or closed.
The small accumulation of an obsession,
Can make us deny all logical reason.
It is true we can sell our soul,
For a moment of the euphoria ghost.
We lose track of day and season,
Reality is a long reach from our emotion.
Such is that of a careless addiction,
That can spiral beyond our control.
Once we make that initial decision,
We are committed to a lifelong treason.
The bad habits we make use of doing,
Becomes our own hell and undoing.
We create our own prison cell,
When we lose control of ourselves.
We convince ourselves it can be stop at anytime,
Tomorrow tomorrow we will abide.
We become the master of deception,
Associate our weakness with confusion.
The bag of lies we tell others,
Strips away our saviours.
Slowly and slowly we begin to lose sanity,
Until we cannot stop living in fantasy.
The guilt and shame eventually fades,
We are so consumed by what we cannot change.

The key to life is dramatically simple,
So why is it so unattainable?

A Paradoxical Day

If there is ever a day where you win the lottery, you’ll be very happy, wouldn’t you? But what if, on that same day, your mother dies?
It’s certainly a day you’d never forget. What would you do? How would you feel? Should you be happy or sad? Excited or depressed? Is that a good day or a bad day?
That’s the day I’ve had today. Not necessary as dramatic and intense but I wouldn’t know how else to describe it to you.
I hope nobody experiences something like the scenario I gave. That would truly suck. You’ll want to be happy about your win but at the same time, you’re sad about your loss.
It’s life. We are neither winners or losers.
We’re the in-between where we exchange something to gain something else.
If we were rich, we’d exchange our wealth for a better health. If we are poor, we’d exchange our health for more wealth.
Sometimes, there are more unfortunate ones whom has neither good wealth or good health. They have nothing to exchange and so they are reduced to nothing. I think a good life is a balance of both.
Health = Wealth
Money is the answer to half of everything. You are the answer to the other half.
I hope you had a better day than I did.

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