Silence

Like the unforgivable night,

Silence.

Like the dark thoughts running in my mind,

Silence.

Like the bone chilling cold,

Silence.

Like the last breath it stole,

Silence.

Like the last chance to survive,

Silence.

Like there is no other way to life,

Silence.

Why does everything have to be this way?

Silence.

Why can I not say what I want to say?

Silence.

Why do I have to change to fit in? 

Silence.

Why do I have to fight for freedom? 

Silence.

Why won’t I have a chance at happiness? 

Silence.

Why is is so difficult to feel less worthless? 

Advertisements

Darkness in a Day:

I was five when you locked me outside,
Naked and crying,
I banged against the door.
Let me in, let me in,
I would sob,
On and on and on.
Until I apologised,
And said what you want,
I was left in the dark,
Cold, miserable, and alone.

I KNEW THEN YOU WANTED ME GONE

I was nine when you first said goodbye,
You said you loved me no more.
You also told me to go die,
I was no longer welcome at home.

YOU WANTED TO ABANDON ME YEARS AGO

It was the night before school photo day,
My final primary year,
I remember this very clearly,
Because I was only ten.
You accused me of stealing,
Something I denied
For I was not the thief,
No no not this time.
But you didn’t believe me.
Gee, wasn’t that a surprise.

WHEN DID YOU LOSE FAITH IN ME?

You told me to be quiet but I wouldn’t keep it down,
Because I didn’t do it,
So why won’t you hear me out?
You insisted on the truth,
And that’s all I’ve been telling you.
But it wasn’t what you wanted to hear,
You’ve already picked the truth.
I screamed until my lungs were dry,
And tears could flow no more.
No one knew and no one saw,
That I was broken, corrupted, and sore.

The bruises and cuts you left behind,
Not only scarred me physically,
It affected my mental health as well.
Every time I lock the door,
It gets worse and worse than before.
Like an unforgettable tattoo of pain,
The memories will always be engraved.

When I was eleven,
That would be year seven,
I moved to a new school,
The teacher disliked me a lot,
My intelligence was below her expectation,
But it was my favourite year of all,
Because everyone grew fond of me.
I wanted to tell them the truth,
Only when the time I did,
I was just leaving them.
I never did see them again.

I felt bad for being honest,
Because they had taught me that.
The truth is ugly and unkind,
We only hear the lies,
that our mind conceives.

I can’t do this anymore,
I’m suffocating inside and out,
I’m not strong as I thought.
You’ve been trying to ruin me,
Ever since I was born
And I just want to congratulate you,
Because you finally scored.

if you had no love for me then,
WHY DID YOU GIVE ME LIFE?

He dragged me by the hair,
And tried to steal my air.
His claws wrapped around my neck tonight,
I had prepared to die,
But I wasn’t going down without a worthy fight.
Life extinguishes from my eyes,
Every breathe passes me by.
As I whisper one last word,
“Goodbye”.

A Dying Confession:

i am suicidal
I am Strong
i’m sorry i ever bothered you
I’m Moving On

i can’t feel anymore
I Am Painless
everything alive feels dead
I Am Now Free
from the emotions of life

I Want To Live
but everything is dead inside
I Want To Shine
but my light is dying

I Am My Own Fire
waiting to burn myself alive
I Will Not Die
that was a lie

sometimes, it is important to focus on the other half

– FuturePresentsPast

What should I do?

Hey,
This isn’t my usual thing but I really need help. I have a friend whose going through a lot right now and I don’t know how to help her. She’s recently been diagnosed with depression and has moved away from home. She’s losing focus in school work and her life goals. Her recent injury has physically disabled her to write which is really bad because she can’t take notes in class. I don’t know how to help her. She say she doesn’t need help but she does. She’s crying a lot, almost emotionally unstable. Those who have been observant are concerned for her but how do you make someone happy when they’re unhappy? How do you help them? I know I’m not the right person she’s going to but I don’t know what else to do. I think I’m being a really bad friend by keeping it all to myself but I don’t want to lose her trust in me by telling someone. I just want her to be happy again. I want everyone to be happy because I enjoy other peoples happiness. When people suffer, it stresses me. They tell me and I usually give them the most cliche response you can think of. I suck at these things because I’m selfish, I don’t usually think about other peoples problems. Usually I have my own to deal with but I don’t want to be a selfish person (it may be in my nature) but I won’t allow it to define me. Maybe what I’m doing right now is selfish because I have not asked her permission to post this. I hope she doesn’t find this or if she does, know that I’ve kept it anonymous. Anonymity is quite powerful. I’m sure you know that already.
If she does feel like I’ve betrayed her, I’m sorry, I was only trying to help.
Please take care of yourself.
Love Always,
Your Friend.

No One Is Going To Miss You…

You’re alone. You are dark. You are what everyone didn’t think you are. You are you. Nothing matters anymore but something still does.
This is why you are here in the first place. Something still bothers you. Something you care about. Love.
Loving someone is easy. It does not take a lot. Being loved back by that someone is where depression usually starts. You can say its sad that they don’t love you back. You can take the lingering slap on the face to the heart. You can feel sorry for yourself and hide and cry. You can feel ashamed and low and awful but you can’t help it. Not everyone is going to love you nor is everyone going to miss you. The ones who missed you will truly have loved you.

The problem is, I don’t think anyone missed me. And all I can do is feel sorry for my pathetic self. What do you do when you try to hate the person you love the most? It’s a war that will drain you, that, I am sure of.