Silence

Like the unforgivable night,

Silence.

Like the dark thoughts running in my mind,

Silence.

Like the bone chilling cold,

Silence.

Like the last breath it stole,

Silence.

Like the last chance to survive,

Silence.

Like there is no other way to life,

Silence.

Why does everything have to be this way?

Silence.

Why can I not say what I want to say?

Silence.

Why do I have to change to fit in? 

Silence.

Why do I have to fight for freedom? 

Silence.

Why won’t I have a chance at happiness? 

Silence.

Why is is so difficult to feel less worthless? 

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Dear mum and dad,

Dear mum and dad,
I’ve kept it silent all these years.
Hoping to make it one day.
I’m still holding onto that hope.

Dear mum and dad,
I want to have a proper education?
Why won’t you support me?
Why is it selfish to care about my future?
Why is it selfish to dream about my future?
Why is it selfish to have a future?

So why won’t you let me?
It’s all I ever wanted.
So I can get away from you.

Darkness in a Day:

I was five when you locked me outside,
Naked and crying,
I banged against the door.
Let me in, let me in,
I would sob,
On and on and on.
Until I apologised,
And said what you want,
I was left in the dark,
Cold, miserable, and alone.

I KNEW THEN YOU WANTED ME GONE

I was nine when you first said goodbye,
You said you loved me no more.
You also told me to go die,
I was no longer welcome at home.

YOU WANTED TO ABANDON ME YEARS AGO

It was the night before school photo day,
My final primary year,
I remember this very clearly,
Because I was only ten.
You accused me of stealing,
Something I denied
For I was not the thief,
No no not this time.
But you didn’t believe me.
Gee, wasn’t that a surprise.

WHEN DID YOU LOSE FAITH IN ME?

You told me to be quiet but I wouldn’t keep it down,
Because I didn’t do it,
So why won’t you hear me out?
You insisted on the truth,
And that’s all I’ve been telling you.
But it wasn’t what you wanted to hear,
You’ve already picked the truth.
I screamed until my lungs were dry,
And tears could flow no more.
No one knew and no one saw,
That I was broken, corrupted, and sore.

The bruises and cuts you left behind,
Not only scarred me physically,
It affected my mental health as well.
Every time I lock the door,
It gets worse and worse than before.
Like an unforgettable tattoo of pain,
The memories will always be engraved.

When I was eleven,
That would be year seven,
I moved to a new school,
The teacher disliked me a lot,
My intelligence was below her expectation,
But it was my favourite year of all,
Because everyone grew fond of me.
I wanted to tell them the truth,
Only when the time I did,
I was just leaving them.
I never did see them again.

I felt bad for being honest,
Because they had taught me that.
The truth is ugly and unkind,
We only hear the lies,
that our mind conceives.

I can’t do this anymore,
I’m suffocating inside and out,
I’m not strong as I thought.
You’ve been trying to ruin me,
Ever since I was born
And I just want to congratulate you,
Because you finally scored.

if you had no love for me then,
WHY DID YOU GIVE ME LIFE?

He dragged me by the hair,
And tried to steal my air.
His claws wrapped around my neck tonight,
I had prepared to die,
But I wasn’t going down without a worthy fight.
Life extinguishes from my eyes,
Every breathe passes me by.
As I whisper one last word,
“Goodbye”.

What should I do?

Hey,
This isn’t my usual thing but I really need help. I have a friend whose going through a lot right now and I don’t know how to help her. She’s recently been diagnosed with depression and has moved away from home. She’s losing focus in school work and her life goals. Her recent injury has physically disabled her to write which is really bad because she can’t take notes in class. I don’t know how to help her. She say she doesn’t need help but she does. She’s crying a lot, almost emotionally unstable. Those who have been observant are concerned for her but how do you make someone happy when they’re unhappy? How do you help them? I know I’m not the right person she’s going to but I don’t know what else to do. I think I’m being a really bad friend by keeping it all to myself but I don’t want to lose her trust in me by telling someone. I just want her to be happy again. I want everyone to be happy because I enjoy other peoples happiness. When people suffer, it stresses me. They tell me and I usually give them the most cliche response you can think of. I suck at these things because I’m selfish, I don’t usually think about other peoples problems. Usually I have my own to deal with but I don’t want to be a selfish person (it may be in my nature) but I won’t allow it to define me. Maybe what I’m doing right now is selfish because I have not asked her permission to post this. I hope she doesn’t find this or if she does, know that I’ve kept it anonymous. Anonymity is quite powerful. I’m sure you know that already.
If she does feel like I’ve betrayed her, I’m sorry, I was only trying to help.
Please take care of yourself.
Love Always,
Your Friend.

I can’t sleep.

Their voices are punching holes through my bedroom wall,
The little one wants to wake me before dawn.
I f***ing hate them all.
Now it’s all quiet.
The silence is chaotic.
Even in the dead of the night,
I’m lie here awake and restless.
Peace will not come,
The violence has just started,
So why is everything dead silent?

Free me

You can’t control me,
Not when I want to be free.
You can disown me,
Go ahead and set me free.
You think you own me,
Because you can afford my living fee.
You can slap me and starve me,
But I’ll keep fighting to be free.
You can bind me and hurt me,
My mind will always be free.
You can try to destroy me,
But know that when I’m free,
I will hunt you and find you,
Until I pay my deed.
Just you wait and see,
When I break from these chains,
And set myself free,
You’d wish you had given me the key.

Permanent Marks

Most people will disagree with me because they’ll probably think I’m being biased here. I believe permanent marks on our bodies such as tattoos or scars weaken us rather than provide strength. Not much tattoos get much thoughts put into it before the person decides to get it and those that do usually get something that they can rely on to “give them strength” but here’s the deal: Life has a funny way of showing us that the things we make permanent usually loses it’s meaning and value over time. I believe that can be strongly linked to failure in marriages in our modern society. When we know for a fact that we will have these things permanently, we become less aware of their values. That’s why I don’t like anything permanent nor do I believe in everything being permanent, we need changes to move forward, or backwards depending on these changes. Nothing is ever permanent, so before you add another mark to your body just ask yourself: “Will I want to see this in 5, 10, or 20 years time?”. If it’s meant to be, fate will manage to find a way to leave its imprint, trust me. But don’t scar yourself with something permanent you might regret because you’re in a temporary conflict in life.

Take care of yourself, be good to your body, and try live as happily as possible.

As for tattoos, come on, no one really wants to see the same image/words over and over again repeatedly for as long as they live. Try to be accepting towards changes, you may not be happy about it because (I know most people won’t admit it) but change is scary, it’s the unknown, unforeseen, and who knows what might happen? Our lives are not guided by a rule book which we edit, they are blank pages waiting for you to fill up, to write a new adventure, one that has never been written and never be wrote unless you give everything a go.
Oh no, I went off topic (again!). Sorry, I’ll shut up.

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