Like the unforgivable night,


Like the dark thoughts running in my mind,


Like the bone chilling cold,


Like the last breath it stole,


Like the last chance to survive,


Like there is no other way to life,


Why does everything have to be this way?


Why can I not say what I want to say?


Why do I have to change to fit in? 


Why do I have to fight for freedom? 


Why won’t I have a chance at happiness? 


Why is is so difficult to feel less worthless? 


A Chain of Events

An estranged whimper escapes my tongue,
A street of strangers stares me down,
Some politely offer help,
I reject and deny again.
I appreciate your kindness but it could not accommodate me.
I run towards the only peace I know,
The bells sing an hour has gone.
I race up to the helping hands,
Only to be chased away by ants.
Next came the statue of peace,
Where dead soldier lies with liberty.
I can only think back to the time,
Where my friend and I sat discussing life.
Now I am here all alone,
Discussing life on my own.
An old man walks by twice,
Maybe the third time he would ask me why?
It turns my weak bladder control,
Sent me sprinting for toilet rolls.
A half hour left until it close,
A half hour for somewhere to go.

When seven came,
I went back home.
Scared and frightened,
More than before.

When nine came,
I walk in the dark,
An hour long,
All sixty minutes of luck.

When midnight came,
I wrote this down.
Hoping someday possibly one day,
I will never have to count.

What should I do?

This isn’t my usual thing but I really need help. I have a friend whose going through a lot right now and I don’t know how to help her. She’s recently been diagnosed with depression and has moved away from home. She’s losing focus in school work and her life goals. Her recent injury has physically disabled her to write which is really bad because she can’t take notes in class. I don’t know how to help her. She say she doesn’t need help but she does. She’s crying a lot, almost emotionally unstable. Those who have been observant are concerned for her but how do you make someone happy when they’re unhappy? How do you help them? I know I’m not the right person she’s going to but I don’t know what else to do. I think I’m being a really bad friend by keeping it all to myself but I don’t want to lose her trust in me by telling someone. I just want her to be happy again. I want everyone to be happy because I enjoy other peoples happiness. When people suffer, it stresses me. They tell me and I usually give them the most cliche response you can think of. I suck at these things because I’m selfish, I don’t usually think about other peoples problems. Usually I have my own to deal with but I don’t want to be a selfish person (it may be in my nature) but I won’t allow it to define me. Maybe what I’m doing right now is selfish because I have not asked her permission to post this. I hope she doesn’t find this or if she does, know that I’ve kept it anonymous. Anonymity is quite powerful. I’m sure you know that already.
If she does feel like I’ve betrayed her, I’m sorry, I was only trying to help.
Please take care of yourself.
Love Always,
Your Friend.

At The Beach…

I’m alone on the swing. He strolls over to accompany me. The seat next to mine remains empty. He stands by the pole supporting my swing and looks at me with his piecing blue eyes. 

“Hi”, he says in his slightly accented voice. 

I look at him and he continues, “What’s going on in your head right now?”. 

I tell him the truth, “I just love swings, they’re amazing, you sit on them, you feet pushes you off the ground and you swing to freedom, you think you’re flying but you’re not really, you’re not free at all, in fact, you’re held, bounded, by the very swing you thought that set you free, it’s deception at its best because you don’t feel these limits at first until you start to push the limits, you want to go over these boundries, you find it’s extremely difficult, and what you thought was once a fun and harmless thing could break and hurt you”. 

“That is what I’m thinking about”, I concluded. 

“Woah!”, he reliefs a huge sigh he’s been holding in while I made my impromptu speech. 

But that is not what happened yesterday.

I saw him and turned away, I was seated, not on a swing, but on a wooden seat. He never turned or looked in my direction. Not once did he acknowledge my existence. He didn’t have to, we did not know one another. I glanced at him when he turned away, I tried to follow him from a mile away. I saw how he looked at her and I knew. He was hooked into her like I am to him. I understand, she is everything I am not, and everything I wanted to be in that moment but life works in mysterious ways, we think we have it figured out and the jigsaw puzzle will never be complete, we will not know everything there is to know about everything. Sometimes it’s better not to know the answers to the truth, to be excited by the mystery of this truth than be haunted by the truth. I know deep down that I am never good enough and I will never be good enough. I wish this wasn’t the case but life is not a wish granting genie, we have what we don’t want but what we need, we must cherish this so our needs do not become our wants, we never get what we want anyway, not really. I am sadden by this fact but at the same time I am happy he has found joy with her. 

I’ll let him go as I return home from the day of events. I don’t know if I’ll cry. I guess I’ll find out tonight. 

Sorry if you expected a nice romantic love story, it’s a Romeo and Juliet except there is no blood and I am neither Romeo or Juliet. 

Thank you for wasting your time, I really do greatly appreciate it.